The Shack...and other random thoughts
I stopped by the library Friday night to return some books and checked out two movies. One was Wall E, for Rhys. He went on a field trip a few days ago and got to watch Wall E. Ever since then, he's been talking all about his favorite scenes and how funny the movie is. Apparently, he doesn't remember when we all saw it together several years ago. He was probably only two or three at the time, so no wonder. I was excited to find the movie and brought it home to him for a Friday night movie together. He and I watched it, snuggled on the couch. I'll admit, I am pretty sure I fell asleep for most of it.
The other movie I found at the library was The Shack. I tried to read the book about five years ago when a friend lent it to me and said it was an awesome book. I read a few chapters of it and then gave it back. I just couldn't get into it. Like most parents, I couldn't relate to a dad who had lost his six year old daughter. I guess back then, I really did think this could never happen to me, just like you probably think it can never happen to you. Plus, in the book (and movie), God is portrayed by a woman and I just found that odd. The main character lost his daughter in probably the most horrific way possible. She was kidnapped and murdered. He then is called back to the scene of the crime months later, to meet with God. I cried through most of the movie. The dad was so angry at God and didn't believe He could be a good God if he took innocent children. How could He claim to love us and then turn to do something so heartbreaking? The movie is completely fictional, but tries to address some of our human concerns and confusion. Why do some parents have to bury their children while others get to keep theirs? Jameson sure didn't deserve this. Of all the children I've met over my career working with children, he showed so much promise. Jameson was incredibly smart and hard-working. He was such a people-pleaser. He was always kind and gentle. He really was such a joy to be around. He wasn't wild, loud, or unruly. He was very cooperative and such an easy kid to parent. Jameson would've grown up to do great things. I just know it. He probably would've gone one some mission trips, helped the homeless, or spoken out against injustice. I am so disappointed that he won't be here to make the difference I know he would have.
Watching the movie was actually very comforting, despite the fact that it's a fictional movie. I've been feeling so sad this week. It is really setting in how much I miss my boy and it's been two months since I've seen him and hugged him. I went for a walk in Pisgah Forest this week and I confessed to God that I didn't even know what to pray for anymore. I was honest and said it doesn't really feel like me praying is making much of a difference. My outright begging and pleading while Jameson was being loaded into an ambulance the morning of his death certainly didn't bring him back. Sometimes I do feel angry. This is just so unfair. But I've been reading a book called Rare Bird, about a mom who lost her 12 year old and I like they way she put it. She said that in regards to God, she felt more hurt than angry towards him. I think that describes my feelings too. It's not so much of anger, but more of hurt and disappointment. I'm sad that God didn't come through for me when I needed Him most. He had his own plan for Jameson, and I can't understand how giving a little boy only 9 years can be called a plan....so it hurts.
That's just about all I want to say right now. I'll leave with this adorable picture I found of Jameson when he was in the 2nd grade last year.
The other movie I found at the library was The Shack. I tried to read the book about five years ago when a friend lent it to me and said it was an awesome book. I read a few chapters of it and then gave it back. I just couldn't get into it. Like most parents, I couldn't relate to a dad who had lost his six year old daughter. I guess back then, I really did think this could never happen to me, just like you probably think it can never happen to you. Plus, in the book (and movie), God is portrayed by a woman and I just found that odd. The main character lost his daughter in probably the most horrific way possible. She was kidnapped and murdered. He then is called back to the scene of the crime months later, to meet with God. I cried through most of the movie. The dad was so angry at God and didn't believe He could be a good God if he took innocent children. How could He claim to love us and then turn to do something so heartbreaking? The movie is completely fictional, but tries to address some of our human concerns and confusion. Why do some parents have to bury their children while others get to keep theirs? Jameson sure didn't deserve this. Of all the children I've met over my career working with children, he showed so much promise. Jameson was incredibly smart and hard-working. He was such a people-pleaser. He was always kind and gentle. He really was such a joy to be around. He wasn't wild, loud, or unruly. He was very cooperative and such an easy kid to parent. Jameson would've grown up to do great things. I just know it. He probably would've gone one some mission trips, helped the homeless, or spoken out against injustice. I am so disappointed that he won't be here to make the difference I know he would have.
Watching the movie was actually very comforting, despite the fact that it's a fictional movie. I've been feeling so sad this week. It is really setting in how much I miss my boy and it's been two months since I've seen him and hugged him. I went for a walk in Pisgah Forest this week and I confessed to God that I didn't even know what to pray for anymore. I was honest and said it doesn't really feel like me praying is making much of a difference. My outright begging and pleading while Jameson was being loaded into an ambulance the morning of his death certainly didn't bring him back. Sometimes I do feel angry. This is just so unfair. But I've been reading a book called Rare Bird, about a mom who lost her 12 year old and I like they way she put it. She said that in regards to God, she felt more hurt than angry towards him. I think that describes my feelings too. It's not so much of anger, but more of hurt and disappointment. I'm sad that God didn't come through for me when I needed Him most. He had his own plan for Jameson, and I can't understand how giving a little boy only 9 years can be called a plan....so it hurts.
That's just about all I want to say right now. I'll leave with this adorable picture I found of Jameson when he was in the 2nd grade last year.
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