My Eulogy to Jameson

This is the letter I wrote to Jameson and read aloud at his memorial service on March 8, 2019.

 

My beautiful little boy,

I can barely put into words the pain that I have felt since losing you. My heart has been shattered and your absence has left a hole in our family.

Nine years ago you made me a mama. I remember the anticipation your dad and I had awaiting your arrival. When I first laid eyes on you the evening of your birth, I knew that you were special. You were the most beautiful little baby I had ever seen- with a soft, reddish brown head of hair and the prettiest blue eyes. I fell in love with you instantly. From even your earliest days, you proved to be a joy of a child. You were such a happy baby. You hardly ever cried or fussed and you slept well through the night. You were just a calm, content baby. I always told friends that your dad and I hit the parenting lottery when we had you and your brother.

Everything about having you as a son got better and better as the years passed. How I have treasured watching you grow up. You went from a loving, joyful little toddler to a compassionate, kind, and generous young boy. It was such an honor to be your mama. You were always so well-behaved, calm, and caring. In school you always tried your hardest and got high grades. I have always dreamed of all the things you could have accomplished in your lifetime. Your mama is so so proud of you.

I’ll never get to see you turn double digits, will never see you grow taller than I am (a big goal for you), I’ll never get to play legos with you again, paint pictures with you, or teach you how to knit like you’ve been asking. I won’t see you go to middle school, go to a prom, or go off to college. My heart breaks again every day for all the dreams I had for you that will never come true.

But for all of the things I didn’t get to see you do, the only thing that really matters is that I got to see you give your life to Jesus. Last year your dad and I watched you share publicly your faith by getting baptized. Now my one comfort is that I know you are in His arms. He is taking good care of you and I know that you are having fun with your two grandmas. I can picture your precious smile and crescent eyes, your face lit up with happiness as you dance and praise God in Heaven.

My sweet little boy, your love for God will continue to inspire others for many years. You have touched so many lives in your nine years, far more than I ever imagined. From making the decision to get baptized to your crazy joyful singing and praising God whenever the mood struck, you truly were a gift from God.

Do you remember what I would always whisper into you and Rhys’s ears at bedtime? “Hey Jameson,” I would say in a giggly voice, “Guess what? Most families get maybe one adorable perfect amazing little boy in their family...and some families don’t get any. But guess what? Okay, don’t tell anyone this because I don’t feel like it’s exactly fair, but guess what? I got TWO! God gave me TWO!” And you and Rhys would roll your eyes and say, “Mama! We know!”

My sweet Jameson, I will miss you every day that I have left here on earth. My heart will always ache to hold you again. But my one hope is that we will be together again someday. Keep smiling sweetheart, keep dancing, keep singing, keep praising God. Until I see you again.

Love Mama